How to spot a romance scam: know the script, skip the sequel.

Most people you’ll meet online are exactly who they say they are: a bit nervous, a bit hopeful, and keen on a decent conversation. A few are not. Romance scammers build a relationship over weeks or months, then invent a crisis that only money can fix. They target every age, and they’re not fussy about intelligence: plenty of sharp, successful people have been caught.

The good news: the script barely changes. Learn it once and you’ll recognise it for good.

The one rule

Never send money to anyone you’ve met online. Whatever the story.

Not a loan, not a gift card, not crypto, not a “customs fee”, not a plane ticket so they can finally visit. No genuine match will ever need your money before you’ve met, and most won’t afterwards either. If you keep only one line from this guide, keep that one.

How the script usually runs

1. The approach. A flattering message, often from a very attractive profile. Widowed, successful, and conveniently working somewhere far away.
2. The move off-site. “I’m hardly ever on here, let’s use WhatsApp.” Off the site, nobody’s moderating.
3. The intensity. Daily messages, long ones, very soon. Talk of fate and a future together within weeks.
4. The obstacle. They can’t video call (camera broken, poor signal, security rules on the rig) and they can’t visit yet.
5. The crisis. A frozen bank account, a medical bill, customs fees, a business deal that needs bridging. Urgent, emotional, and only you can help.
6. The sequel. If you pay once, a new crisis follows. Then another.

Red flags in messages

• Let’s move to WhatsApp, it’s easier. Rushing you off the site, early.
• I’m working overseas at the moment. Oil rig, peacekeeping, a contract at sea: always a reason they can’t meet.
• I’ve never felt like this before. In week one.
• My camera’s broken again. Months of messages, never a video call.
• I’ve found a brilliant investment. Any talk of crypto, trading or “guaranteed” returns.
• Please don’t tell your family about us yet. Secrecy protects the scammer, not the romance.
• Spelling and grammar that change from one message to the next, as if different people are writing. Sometimes they are.

How to check someone out

• Ask for a video call. Two minutes on camera settles most doubts. Endless excuses settle the rest.
• Look for the verified badge. ID and video verification are free and optional on our site; members who verify get a badge on their profile.
• Search their photos. A reverse image search (Google Lens or TinEye, for example) shows whether the same face appears under other names, or on a stock photo site.
• Check the story. Does the job make sense? Does the company exist? Does the time zone match when they reply?
• Ask a friend to read the messages. Scams work through feelings. Someone outside the conversation spots the pattern in minutes.

Payment requests that are always a scam

If anyone you’ve met online asks you to pay in any of these ways, it’s a scam. Every time:

• Gift cards, or photos of the codes on the back.
• Cryptocurrency, or “opening an account” on a trading platform they recommend.
• Wire transfers or money transfer services to someone you haven’t met.
• Receiving money or parcels for them and forwarding them on. That can make you part of a crime.

If you’ve already sent money

Don’t be embarrassed, and don’t wait. These people are professionals; being caught by one says nothing about your judgement in general.

1. Stop all payments and contact. No more money, no more replies, whatever they say next.
2. Call your bank or card provider straight away. The sooner they know, the better your chances of stopping or recovering a payment.
3. Report the profile to us. Use the report button on the profile or message, or our support form (choose “Report a member”).
4. Report it in your country: FTC (USA), Report Fraud (UK), Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre, Scamwatch (Australia).
5. Keep everything. Messages, usernames, receipts and transfer details all help.

Watch out for “recovery” offers

After a scam, some people are contacted by someone offering to get the money back, for a fee. That’s usually the same people, or their friends, trying again. Genuine help comes from your bank and the official agencies above, and it doesn’t ask for an upfront payment.

If it’s a friend, not you

Sometimes the person caught up in it is a friend or relative, and they won’t hear a word against their new love. Arguing rarely works; it tends to push people closer to the scammer. Ask questions instead: “Have you two had a video call yet?” “What did the bank say?” “Would you mind if we did a quick photo search together?” Let them reach the conclusion themselves, and make sure they know they can come to you without hearing “I told you so”.

What we do on our side

Photos, videos and profile text are checked by AI and human moderators. Unusual activity is flagged to catch scammers and bots early. If someone tries to move your chat to WhatsApp or a similar app, you get a warning. And our support team is on hand 24/7. The full list is on our safety page.

None of that replaces the one rule. But together, they make you a very poor target, which is exactly the idea. Now, back to the fun part: planning a first date, or seeing who’s around in over 50, over 60 and over 70 dating, in the UK, USA, Canada or Australia.