The last time you went on a first date, there may have been a landline involved. Somebody’s father answered. Plans were made days ahead and nobody could cancel by text. A first date after 60 is different, and mostly in your favour: you know what you like, you can spot nonsense from across the room, and you have far better stories.
What follows is the practical stuff. No scripts, no rules about who calls whom. Just what tends to make a first meeting easy, pleasant and worth a second one.
Before you meet
Have a short video call first. If you’ve been chatting by message for a week or two, suggest five minutes on video. It settles the basics (yes, they look like their photos; yes, they laugh at the same things) and it takes the edge off the first hello in person. Anyone who keeps finding reasons not to do one is telling you something.
Agree the plan in writing. Day, time, place. It saves the “I thought you meant the other café” moment, and it gives you something to show a friend.
Keep a bit back. Messages are lovely, but if you’ve already exchanged life stories, there’s nothing left for the table. Leave yourselves some questions.
Where to go
The perfect first-date venue is public, has somewhere to sit, lets you hear each other, and has a natural end point. That rules out the cinema (two hours of silence), the loud bistro (two hours of “Sorry?”) and the seven-course tasting menu (two hours of commitment).
- Coffee or a late breakfast. Low cost, low pressure, easy to extend into a walk if it’s going well.
- A walk with a destination. A park, a seafront, a market. Side by side is easier than face to face for some people, and there’s always something to comment on.
- A gallery, garden or museum. Built-in conversation and a café at the end.
- Lunch rather than dinner. Daylight, a fixed end, and nobody worrying about the drive home in the dark.
Pick somewhere you know and can get to and from under your own steam. Familiar ground does wonders for confidence.
What to wear
Something you feel like yourself in, on a good day. Not the outfit bought for the occasion that you’ll be tugging at all afternoon. Comfortable shoes if there’s any chance of a walk. If your profile photos show you in colour, wear some colour: it helps them recognise you, and it photographs your mood.
What to talk about
The trick is curiosity. Ask about the thing in their profile that made you write in the first place: the allotment, the choir, the trip to Lisbon. Then ask a follow-up question, and listen to the answer. People remember how a conversation felt far longer than what was said.
Good territory: travel (done and planned), what they’re reading or watching, the job they had and what they’d do differently, what a good Sunday looks like.
Save for later:
- The ex, or the late husband or wife. Mention them if it comes up, naturally and briefly. A full account can wait for date three.
- Health in detail. A knee that hates stairs is useful information. A medication list is not first-date material.
- Money and property. Not on a first date, and never in the form of a request. (More on that in our romance scam guide.)
- Ten minutes of grandchildren photos. One photo, with pride, is charming. The album can come out later.
You’re not auditioning. You’re finding out whether you’d like an afternoon like this again.
Who pays
There’s no rule any more, which means it helps to have a plan. Plenty of people offer to split on a first date and let the other person decide; whoever suggested the outing often offers to pay; some take turns from the start. What matters is that nobody feels awkward. If you’d like to pay, say so warmly. If you’d rather split, say that warmly too. Either way, it’s coffee, not a contract.
Nerves
Nerves mean you care how it goes, which is a decent starting point. A few things that help:
- Arrive five minutes early, so you’re settled rather than hurrying in.
- Have one or two questions in your pocket for any lull.
- Remember they’re probably as nervous as you are. Say so, if you like. “I haven’t done this in a while” is disarming, and usually met with “Oh, thank goodness, me neither.”
The sensible bit
None of this is about being fragile. It’s what sensible people of any age do when they meet someone new:
- Meet in a public place, and get yourself there and home again.
- Tell a friend where you’ll be and roughly when you expect to be done.
- Keep the chat on the site until you’ve met. Our moderators can’t see WhatsApp.
- Look for the verified badge on their profile, or ask for that video call.
Our safety page has the full list, plus what we do on our side.
Afterwards
If you enjoyed it, say so, the same day or the next. A short message does it: “I had a lovely time. Same again soon?” Nobody over 60 has time for playing it cool.
If there wasn’t a spark, that’s fine too, and a kind, clear message is better than silence: “It was good to meet you. I didn’t feel the spark I’m looking for, but I wish you luck.” You’d want the same.
And if it was a bit flat but you’re not sure? Plenty of good second dates follow a so-so first one. Nerves blur things. If you’d happily have another coffee, have another coffee.
Ready to find someone to have that coffee with? Have a look at dating over 60, or at over 50 and over 70 if your range is wider. We have members in the UK, the USA, Canada and Australia.